Talks and thoughts

By paulcrummay, Jan 26 2018 12:40AM

Some reflections on “Do not be angry (precept)”

“it is not good to overwhelm another person with argument even when he is wrong and you are right. Yet it is also not right to give up so easily, saying ‘I am wrong’ when you have every reason to believe you are right. The best way is to drop the argument naturally, without pressing the other person or falsely admitting that you are wrong. If you don’t listen to his arguments and don’t let them bother you, he will do the same and not become angry. This is something to watch carefully”.

Dogen, Shobogenzo Zuimonki

There is a Chinese zen story that goes something like, “What is Buddhadharma practice?” asks a student of a Master. “Appropriate response” comes the reply.

What is appropriate, then? Well, there is life in a nutshell. How do we decide?

These two little passages jumped out at me for several reasons. Not necessarily to use it as a stick to beat others with, which of course is the enticing temptation- look how he or she is holding on and insisting they are right, and look how I am above all that”, kind of thing. Not the point at all.

This passage landed with me as a guide to responding in a situation of dissent or polarization, when teaching, or caught in an argument with a near and dear one, or when they have been caught in an argument with someone else and seeking my support, all of which has been happening recently.

There is a middle way buried in it somewhere, based not on passivity or aggression but on recognizing where our habits come from and finding an appropriate response.

I was brought up where my father would indeed overwhelm me with the rightness of his religious view. It led to serious and long-lasting breakdown in our relationship that was never really mended before he died. And not realising the connections, for many years I would habitually use the same tactic, having been taught it unconsciously by him as a way to win. Only in latter years through sitting zazen have I come to realise I was perpetuating the same behaviour that I myself had found so painful to be on the receiving end of. I still fall into it as habit when my views are tested and I resort to ‘self' protection and my righteousness.

So how to deal with anger, either within oneself or when the subject of another’s fierce and angry insistence of being right and you being wrong?

Well, first there is that feeling of righteousness that arises, along with affront to one’s self, which I quite enjoy, I realise. It’s a rush. It makes me have something to go at and feel alive with. And I only get angry if I know I am right and the other person is so, so wrong. At some level I want to be angry. Of course it seems that anger arises apart from my self. But it doesn’t address the issue in a realistic way.

How then to deal with this? The first thing is to notice it arising but not to act on it. Looking closer, the real source of anger is that my sense of self is threatened. By that I mean my views, beliefs, my status, my rules of how life should conduct itself, of how other people should or should not behave. Not suppressing the feeling, but suppressing the action that follows, word or deed. And not getting into the content of the event that has pissed me off, but the actual anger itself. Can I really say it was the comment, or the behaviour of the other person that set me off, or is it way deeper than that? What is the need I feel to prove I am right? Why is it important to have others agree with me? And even if I am right, are they likely to change their belief just because I insist more vehemently on being right? Will this not lead to more frustration and anger on both sides of the issue?

Recently on a sesshin, I noticed almost for the first time a persistent low level of stress in me, even though there was no issue to associate it with. And sitting with this over a couple of days, I could glimpse how it was the perpetual ‘on-guard’ state that arises along with thoughts and feelings of the ‘selfing’ activity.

When sitting zazen these days, I can more often see directly how I create ‘self’ moment to moment out of all these thoughts and feelings. On that level, love and hate are just two sides of the same coin of right and wrong, of happiness and misery. Real hate is insisting on being separate from the rest of reality, on holding on to “my right vs your wrong”. Our whole society can be seen in this mirror, from our politics, to our social media, from our tv dramas to our international relations,

And real love is to see everything as a seamless whole. Here I can see why it is so hard to let go of anger or righteousness. I have to give up my ‘self’ even at the moment of threat, and it is even more difficult to do that when it feels threatened.

Sitting teaches me to not react, to be and embody, to let through and let go, thought by thought. Living and dying if I want to put it more dramatically. Not to stop it but to see it for what it all is. To find an appropriate response of acknowledgement of my experience but not necessarily act from it. Or if to act, then to act in a way that expresses the seamlessness of reality.

I now realise that an appropriate response is one that comes from the whole, not the part, that recognises how much I want the world to be the way I want it, rather than how it actually manifests. This helps me to let go, to be somewhat more forgiving and remember that there is always more to the story than my bit of it. As behaviour it looks like and sounds like not like taking one side against the other, ( frustrating for the person who wants validation of the rightness of their cause) but to uphold the unity and flawed nature of all habitual reactions and not take them so personally, either my own or someone else’s and gently embody the seamlessness of reality here and now; to BE the appropriate response. There is no pre-determined right thing to think of doing beforehand.

When dealing with anger, either in another that threatens my sense of rightness, or in myself when faced with the obvious wrongness in the other person, has to start with this sitting-with and de-selfing. The appropriate response may well still be to point out how someone’s action has hurt or whatever, but it will have a very different quality to it, and will recognise the entire situation rather than the focus being on me, me, me and my protection of my self against you, you you and your self. It may be to walk away.

That is not to say we open ourselves to abuse or that nothing matters. But it will appreciate the difficulty of letting go of the habit of overwhelming someone by arguments for the other person too, as they also are in the grip of self-protection in that moment, and it is not the real situation. And by not feeding into the need to self-protect, the argument will just stop, and maybe real exploration can then begin.

By paulcrummay, Jan 26 2018 12:39AM

There seems to be much said and written about living a 'Buddhist life', as if it was possible to live a life that was somehow not the one we find ourselves in. Maybe people who say this have an idea of what a 'Buddhist life'should look like- engaging in Buddhist ritual, paying careful attention to every act to check if it accords with the precepts, the rules of good Buddhist behaviour, doing various meditation practices to develop transcendental qualities and insights. Well, OK. The issue I have with living like that is it becomes situated in our ideas of life, and divides off what we think of as good from what we think of as bad or undesirable. Practice then becomes about eradicating the bad and living only in the good.

By paulcrummay, Jun 19 2017 09:54AM

These remarks are excerpted from course handouts given by Rev. Fujita at a workshop called “The Lived-Body Experience in Bud­dhist Meditation” he taught at Barre Centre for Buddhist Studies in March, 2002.

"There seems to be a common misunderstanding about zazen, which some people think of as a technique for reaching a state of “no thought.” Such an understanding of zazen assumes that a certain state of mind can be reached by manipulation, technique or method. In the West, zazen is usually trans­lated as “Zen meditation” or “sitting medi­tation.” More and more, in contempo­rary usage, zazen is considered one of the many methods from Eastern spiritual tra­ditions for attaining objectives such as mind/body health, skillful social behav­ior, a peaceful mind or the resolution of various problems in life.

It is true that many meditation prac­tices in the Buddhist tradition are helpful in achieving these objectives, and these may certainly be skillful uses of meditation tools. However zazen, as understood by Dogen Zenji, is something different, and cannot be categorized as meditation in the sense described above. It would there­fore be helpful to us to look at some of the differences between zazen and meditation.

Dogen (1200-1252) was the founder of the Soto Zen tradition, and a medita­tion master par excellence. His Shobogenzo is one of the great masterpieces of the Buddhist doctrinal tradition. Contempo­rary scholars are finding much in this text to help them understand, not only a unique approach to Buddhadharma [the teaching of the Buddha], but also to zazen as practice. For Dogen, zazen is first and foremost an holistic body posture, not a state of mind.

Dogen uses various terms to describe zazen, one of which is gotsu-za, which means “sitting immovable like a bold mountain.” A related term of great im­portance is kekka-fuza—“full-lotus position”—which Dogen regards as the key to zazen. However, Dogen’s understand­ing of kekka-fuza is completely different from the yogic tradition of India, and this understanding sheds a great deal of light on how we should approach zazen.

In most meditative traditions, practi­tioners start a certain method of medita­tion (such as counting breaths, visualizing sacred images, concentrating the mind on a certain thought or sensation, etc.) after getting comfortable sitting in full-lotus position. In other words, it is kekka-fuza plus meditation. Kekka-fuza in such us­age becomes a means for optimally con­ditioning the body and mind for mental exercises called “meditation,” but is not an objective in itself. The practice is struc­tured dualistically, with a sitting body as a container and a meditating mind as the contents. And the emphasis is always on meditation as mental exercise. In such a dualistic structure, the body sits while the mind does something else.

For Dogen, on the other hand, the objective of zazen is just to sit in kekka-fuza correctly—there is absolutely noth­ing to add to it. It is kekka-fuza plus zero. Kodo Sawaki Roshi, the great Zen master of early 20lh century Japan, said, “Just sit zazen, and that’s the end of it.” In this understanding, zazen goes beyond mind/body dualism; both the body and the mind are simultaneously and completely used up just by the act of sitting in kekka-fuza. In the Samadhi King chapter of Shobogenzo, Dogen says, “Sit in kekka-fuza with body, sit in kekka-fuza with mind, sit in kekka-fuza of body-mind falling off.”

Meditation practices which emphasize something psychological—thoughts, per­ceptions, feelings, visualizations, intentions, etc.—all direct our attention to cortical-cerebral functions, which I will loosely refer to as “Head.” Most meditation, as we conventionally understand it, is a work that focuses on the Head. In Oriental medicine we find the interesting idea that harmony among the internal organs is of greatest importance. All the issues associ­ated with Head are something merely re­sulting from a lack of harmony among the internal organs, which are the real bases of our life.

Because of our highly developed cor­tical-cerebral function, we tend to equate self-consciousness, the sense of “I,” with the Head—as if the Head is the main char­acter in the play and the body is the ser­vant following orders from the Head. However from the point of view of Oriental medicine this is not only a con­ceit of the Head, but is a total miscon­ception of life. Head is just a small part of the whole of life, and need not hold such a privileged position.

While most meditation tends to focus on the Head, zazen focuses more on the living holistic body-mind framework, al­lowing the Head to exist without giving it any pre-eminence. If the Head is over­functioning, it will give rise to a split and unbalanced life. But in the zazen posture it learns to find its proper place and function within a unified mind-body field. Our living human body is not just a collection of bodily parts, but is an organically inte­grated whole. It is designed in such a way that when one part of the body moves, however subtle the movement may be, it simultaneously causes the whole body to move in accordance with it.

“Just sitting with correct posture’’gets deepened infinitely.

When we first learn how to do zazen, we cannot learn it as a whole or in a single stroke. Inevitably we initially dissect zazen into small pieces and then arrange them in a certain sequence: regulating the body (choshin), regulating the breath (chosoku) and regulating the mind (choshin). In the Eihei-koroku Dogen wrote, “In our zazen, it is of primary importance to sit in the correct posture. Next, regulate the breath and calm down.”

But after going through this prelimi­nary stage, all instructions given as sepa­rate pieces in space and time must be in­tegrated as a whole in the body-mind of the practitioner of zazen. When zazen becomes zazen, shoshin-taza is actualized. This means “just (tan) sitting (za) with cor­rect (sho) bodily (shin) posture, with the “taza” emphasizing the quality of being whole and one in time and space. The “whole” of zazen must be integrated as “one” sitting. In other words, zazen must become “Zazen, Whole and One.”

How is this quality of being whole and one manifest in the sitting posture of zazen? When zazen is deeply integrated, the practitioner does not feel that each part of her/his body is separate from the oth­ers and is independently doing its job here and there in the body. The practitioner is not engaged in doing many different things in different places in the body by following the various instructions on how to regulate the body. In reality s/he is doing only one thing to continuously aim at the cor­rect sitting posture with the whole body.

So in the actual experience of the prac­titioner, there is only a simple and harmo­niously integrated sitting posture. S/he feels the cross-legged posture, the cosmic mudra, the half-opened eyes, etc., as local manifestations of the sitting posture be­ing whole and one. While each part of the body is functioning in its own unique way, as a whole body they are fully inte­grated into the state of being one. It is experienced as if all boundaries or divi­sions among the bodily parts have van­ished, and all parts are embraced by and melted into one complete gesture of flesh and bone. We sometimes feel during zazen that our hands or legs have vanished or gone away.

The term “shoshin-taza” might be best understood in terms of posture and grav­ity. All things on the ground are always pulled toward the center of the earth by gravity. Within this field of gravity, every form of life has survived by harmoniz­ing itself with gravity in various ways. We human beings attained upright posture, standing with the central axis of the body vertically, after a long evolutionary pro­cess. The upright posture is “anti-gravita­tional,” insofar as it cannot exist without uniquely human intentions and volitions that operate subliminally to keep the body upright. When we are sick or fatigued, we find it difficult to maintain the upright posture and lie down. In such situations the intention to stand upright is not op­erational.

Although the vertical posture is anti-gravitational from one perspective, it can be properly aligned to be “pro-gravita­tional,” i.e. to follow gravity. When the body is tilted, certain muscles will become tense in order to maintain the upright pos­ture; but if various parts of the body are integrated correctly along a vertical line, the weight is supported by the skeletal frame and unnecessary tension in the muscles is released. The whole body then submits to the direction of gravity. The subtlety of the sitting posture seems to lie in the fact that “anti-gravitational” and “pro-gravitational” states, which may seem contradictory at first glance, coexist quite naturally. Our relationship to grav­ity in shoshin-tanza is neither an anti-gravi­tational way of fighting with gravity through tense muscles and a stiff body, nor a pro-gravitational way of being defeated by gravity with flaccid muscles and a limp body.

In shoshin-taza, while the body sits immovably like a mountain, the internal body is released, unwound and relaxed in every corner. Like an “egg balanced on end,” the outer structure remains strong and firm while the inside is fluid, calm and at ease. Except for minimally necessary muscles, everything is quietly at rest. The more relaxed the muscles, the more sensible one can be, and the relationship with gravity will be adjusted more and more minutely. The more the muscles are allowed to relax, the more precise aware­ness becomes—and shoshin-taza gets deepened infinitely.

In zazen we move from the head to the heart and into our Buddha-nature.

I often find that people think of zazen as a solution to personal sufferings and problems or the cultivation of an indi­vidual. But a different perspective on zazen is provided by Kodo Sawaki Roshi’s words, “Zazen is to tune into the universe.” The posture of zazen is connecting us to the whole universe. As Shigeo Michi, a well-known anatomist of the last century, puts it, “Since zazen is the posture in which a human being does nothing for the sake of a human being, the human being is freed from being a human being and be­comes a Buddha.” (Songs of Life—Paeans to Zazen by Daiji Kobayashi).

Michi also asks us to make a distinc­tion between the “Head” and the “Heart,” saying how in zazen our internal “heart functions” reveal themselves quite vividly. The Head that I have been talking about may correspond to the technical Buddhist term “bonpu” which means ordinary human being. A bonpu is a non-Buddha, a person who is not yet enlightened and who is caught up in all sorts of ignorance, fool­ishness and suffering. When we engage in zazen wholeheartedly, instead of keeping it as an idea, we should never fail to un­derstand that zazen practice is, in a sense, negation or giving up our bonpu-ness. In other words, in zazen we move from the Head to the Heart and into our Buddha-nature. If we fail to take this point seri­ously, we ruin ourselves by pandering to our own bonpu-ness; we get slack, adjust zazen to fit our bonpu-ness, and ruin zazen itself.

Dogen Zenji said, “[when you sit zazen] do not think of either good or evil. Do not be con­cerned with right or wrong. Put aside the operation of your intellect, volition and con­sciousness. Stop considering things with your memory, imagination or reflection.” Following this advice, we are free, for the time being, to set aside our highly developed in­tellectual faculties. We simply let go of our ability to con­ceptualize. In zazen we do not intentionally think about anything. This does not mean that we ought to fall asleep. On the contrary, our con­sciousness should always be clear and awake.

While we sit in zazen posture all of our human abilities, acquired through eons of evolution, are temporarily renounced or suspended. Since these capacities—moving, speaking, grasping, thinking—are the ones which human beings value the most, we might accurately say that “entering zazen is going out of the busi­ness of being a human being” or that in zazen “no human being business gets done.”

What is the significance of giving up all these hard-won human abilities while we sit in zazen? I believe it is that we have the opportunity to “seal up our bonpu-ness.” In other words, when sitting in zazen we unconditionally surrender our human ignorance. In effect we are saying “I will not use these human capacities for my confused, self-centered purposes. By adopting zazen posture, my hands, legs, lips and mind are all sealed. They are just as they are. I can create no karma with any of them.” That is what “seating up of bonpu-ness” in zazen means.

When we use our sophisticated human capacities in our everyday lives we always use them for our deluded, self-centered purposes, our “bonpu” interests. All our actions are based on our desires, our likes and dislikes. The reason we decide to go here or there, why we manipulate various objects, why we talk about various sub­jects, have this or that idea or opinion, is determined only by our inclination to sat­isfy our own selfish interests. This is how we are. It is a habit deeply ingrained in every bonpu human being. If we do noth­ing about this habit, we will continue to use all our wonderful human powers ignorantly and selfishly, and bury ourselves deeper and deeper in delusion.

If on the other hand we correcdy prac­tice zazen, our human abilities will never be used for bonpu interests. In this way this tendency will be halted, at least for a time. This is what I call “sealing up bonpu-ness.” Our bonpu-ness still exists, but it is completely sealed up. Dogen Zenji de­scribed zazen in the Bendowa (On Follow­ing the Way) as a condition in which we are able “to display the Buddha seal at our three karma gates—body, speech and mind—and sit upright in this samādhi.”

What he means is that there should be absolutely no sign of bonpu activity any­where in the body, speech or mind; all that is there is the mark of the Buddha. The body does not move in zazen posture. The mouth is closed and does not speak. The mind does not seek to be­come Buddha, but instead stops the men­tal activities of thinking, willing and con­sciousness. By removing all signs of bonpu from our legs, hands, mouth and mind (which ordinarily act only on behalf of our deluded human interests), by put­ting the Buddha seal on them, we place them in the service of our Buddha na­ture. In other words, when our bonpu body-mind acts as a Buddha, it is trans­formed into the body-mind of a Buddha.

We should be very careful about the fact that when we talk about “sealing up our de­luded human nature” this “de­luded human nature” we are talking about is not something which exists as a fixed entity, as either a subject or an ob­ject, from its own side. It is simply our perceived condi­tion. We cannot just deny it and get rid of it. The fact of the matter is that when we sit zazen as just zazen, without in­tentionally intending to deny anything, our deluded human nature gets sealed up by the emergence of our Buddha na­ture at all three gates of karma, i.e. at the level of our body, speech and mind. As a result, our deluded human nature is auto­matically renounced.

All the foregoing explanations—of renunciation, of sealing up, of deluded human nature—are just words. These explanations are based on a particular, lim­ited point of view, looking at zazen from outside. Certainly it is true that zazen of­fers us the opportunities I have been de­scribing. However, when we practice zazen we should be sure not to concern ourselves with “deluded human nature,” “renunciation,” or any such idea. All that is important for us is to practice zazen, here and now, as pure, uncontaminated zazen."

By paulcrummay, Jan 18 2017 12:00PM

There is much written and spoken about living a ‘Buddhist life’, or a ‘Christian life’ or whatever. We seem, as human beings, to want to label our living and our actions with such names to give them more meaning or to place what we think of as our life and meaning in a particular belief system that can become an identity, both for ourselves and for others to know what we are and where we stand. That is fine as a device for navigating our way around the world and we can’t – nor should we- stop doing that; it is not a problem in itself.

Our difficulty is that we forget we invented the label for our own convenient shorthand, and end up believing in it as a reality. From there is a short step to dividing one part of our self against another (the Buddhist bit against the mundane bit), one person against another, one group against another and one nation against another.

In fact, our life is taking place independently of any label or category, moment by moment and is not in any way subject to that label or invented meaning. As an example, we may imagine the ideal of kindness, personified as a Bodhisattva. In the moment when we help someone out, however, the doer and the recipient disappear, and there is only the action of helping out. We can tell when the calculating observer returns, commenting, usually later when we reflect on what happened there.

At least once a day when we sit down to do zazen, we can see directly beyond the labeling mind, as we let go and experience both the true nature of thought and the immediate experience of being alive, air-breathing, heart-beating, sounds in our ears, sitting still, paying direct attention to the detail of our posture.

This is our true reality, our only reality, even when zazen is over and we get on with our day. It is nowhere else, and not to be found later, when we somehow live our ‘Buddhist’ life properly. It is not some faraway transcendent bliss, but it is whatever appears right now, independently of whether it is what we label as ‘bad’ or ‘good’. By sitting still in balance, we can just note whatever thought is going on in mind, in the same way as we note breath, or body tension, or temperature, or thumbs touching, all without judgment. The big thing that happens when we do that for a while is noticing how much and how often we want things to be different, better, or to accord with our ideas of life and meaning. And how quickly, if we conceive of living a ‘Buddhist' life, we want to denounce our actual experience and strive for a purer one.

So, in reality there is only life living life; there is no separate life called a ‘Buddhist’ life. All our practice is aimed at enabling us to take up life-as-it-is fully and completely. We can do this if we change our relationship to what we think and stop believing in our thoughts as having more reality than our actions here and now. It takes effort, and the willingness to reconsider our beliefs.

Buddhist practice, when seen clearly is about un-doing, un-learning, un-conditioning our views and ideas, to make room for the amazing magic of what-is. Wow…

By paulcrummay, Mar 23 2014 08:04AM


I hope this will be an opportunity to share reflections and add some points of discussion about the Buddha Way.

It is often said that Zen is the teaching that doesn't rely on words or letters, on scriptures, but on direct pointing. Yes, that is true, as in fact it is true of all experience. I cannot convey to you the taste of an orange in words, yet through poetry, metaphor and equivalents we often try to convey the essence of something to others. Language is part of our reallity as human beings. So is thinking. Our difficulties arise when we imagine we can replace the direct experience with our thoughts about it.

The only way you can fully appreciate and know an orange is go get one, peel it and taste it for yourself.

The Buddha Way is just that.

In the Way of awakening (Buddha), unlike religions ( and I include Buddhist religions here), there is no prior or following-on belief to take up. There is, though, the profound invitation to "take the backward step" by settling the mind down and giving yourself time to directly taste the reality of your own experience as a consious, sensing being. Sitting in zazen is the purest and simplest way to do this.

Just as we take for granted what we think about that orange, when we slow down, really investigate it, where does the taste arise? On the tongue? in the mind? In the orange? And can we just taste without grasping for "I like/don't like"...? And if we do, what do we discover about the world, its permanence or otherwise? Our life unfolds moment by moment within and through our sensorium- the six senses. That is all we can know. The orange, our sensing and our ideas aobut it all arise together instantly, when we see it, pick it up, peel and taste it- in other words when we just act, according to the laws of the universe. There are no ultimate boundaries, no graspable locations except what we create with our discriminating mind- a necessary expedient to enable us to do stuff, but with no ultimate separate reality of its own.

Also what do we learn about how we quickly build our sense of self and a sense of separate-object out of that simple experience? We do that all day long. Even Buddhas do it. The difference is that an awakened mind sees that this is the case and is not fooled to much by the seeming concrete solidity of experience, and is not building a mistaken view of what is taking place.

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